I'm thankful... really I am.

Thanksgiving is tomorrow and, you guys, I'll be honest: I'm finding it difficult to achieve the level of genuine appreciation suitable for the occasion. It's a combination of factors... not the least of which being the nasty sucker-punch I took this week from a punk-ass known more commonly as WINTER.

See what I mean? Not a whole lotta grateful up in here.

So, for the sake of the holiday... and my general disposition... I will now perform A Deliberate Exercise in Gratitude. Feel free to follow along... or if you'd rather go back to Googling "great recipes for stuffing," that's just fine, too.

I am thankful...

For a dog who:

  • Has selective hearing
  • Sheds
  • Smells
  • Disobeys
  • Sheds
  • Has the most wretched breath in canine existence
  • Did I mention the shedding?
  • Comes barreling out of the doggie door and into the garage, his entire ass wagging, to greet me every night... as if my triumphant return from the office is, paws down, the best part of his whole day (which doesn't say much for Dingo's day... but it's a nice shot in the ego for me)

For a husband who:

  • Has selective hearing
  • Fights me tooth and nail over two degrees on the thermostat
  • Bellyaches when he finds rotten food that I've thrown away "because some of that is still edible" (hon, are you referring to the Ziploc bag?)
  • Stalks me around the house and turns off every light that I turn on... in an effort to, you know, SEE WHERE I'M GOING
  • Gets Dingo worked up in a frenzy right before bedtime (which is the same effect as giving a toddler 16 cookies and a Red Bull chaser)
  • Holds down the fort, makes me laugh and reminds me that everything will be ok... someday

For a kid who:

  • Has selective hearing
  • Can never, ever, never, ever... NEVER EVER... hang up his wet towel in the morning
  • Is quick to take out his many adolescent frustrations on his parents
  • Prefers that his grades this term resemble a roller coaster, but not in a good way... more in a this-isn't-fun-at-all-my-head-is-killing-me-and-I-think-I'm-gonna-vomit kind of way... and then ignores it until confronted and yelled at by the nearest grown-up
  • Inspires his mother to read online articles about how wine "takes the edge off"... and then daydreams about hitting the nearest liquor store after work
  • Takes a (very short) break from shredding the last vestiges of my sanity and makes me laugh... which reminds me that everything will be ok... someday

This concludes my Deliberate Exercise in Gratitude... or, as Tom Turkey might say:


Happy Thanksgiving, y'all.

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