I went to the dentist this morning, and two of my teeth have been assigned an "Official Watch."
Is that like a tornado watch? Or a tordando warning? (What's the difference between those two, anyway?) I guess it means that these two teeth are looking sketchy and, if I'm not uber-brushing and hyper-flossing, are in danger of succumbing to The Black Hole... you know, the one that involves a drill and some filling.
The teeth in question are #12 and #20. I have no idea which teeth these are... I think #20 is a molar. #12 might be a bicuspid... or is it a bicarbonate? A biathalon? (I'm not especially dialed in to dental vernacular.)
At any rate, it was made very clear to me that this is not casual observation. As of today, the entire staff at Genesis Dental is on high alert regarding my #12 and #20.
Maybe in a couple months I'll get a voice mail:
"Hello, Kareen... this is Genesis Dental calling. Just wanted to let you know that we're still watching your teeth with avid interest. Please let us know immediately if there's something we need to be concerned about; otherwise, we'll continue to hold vigil over #12 and #20 until your return in March. Until then... be safe, brush regularly, and know that we're watching."
That would totally make me feel like Jason Bourne. Or James Bond. Or that dude from The Fugitive.
Or... maybe it would just make me feel like a chick with a couple of schlocky choppers and a semi-creepy dentist.
P.S. Attention Tooele County: Flouride is not... I repeat, IS NOT... a communist plot to undermine public health, so could you consider throwing a splash or two into our water? Of course, to take such a measure might mark the beginning of the end of the Hillbilly Nation out there... but believe me, that would not break my city-slicker heart in the least. Seriously, GET WITH THE FLOURIDE PROGRAM!!