My hair is VERY big today. I washed it today and, as is customary with Day One of my Hair Cycle, the result is RIDICULOUS volume... but not the kind of volume you see in a Pantene Pro-V television commercial.
More like the kind of volume you'd see if Peter Frampton and Rosanne Roseannadanna had a baby.
Or if you combined a 1984 Poison music video with the Jersey Turnpike.
Or if I stuck my head into a cotton-candy making machine for an hour.
Or a poodle on meth.
Day Two of the Hair Cycle -- clean, but slept on and significantly less voluminous -- is always better, so tomorrow I won't be nearly as self-conscious.
I better run... I'm due to straddle a Trans-Am in acid washed cut-offs in an hour.