12.13.2009

40 Times Around the Sun


Hide your frat boys...
the COUGAR has arrived!

(This photo cracks me up, so I had to open with it... and there's plenty more where that came from, although none are quite as ridiculous as this one. I'll be posting the photos from my birthday party very soon!)

Well, it's finally happened... the Big Four-Oh has officially pulled up in my driveway, gotten out of the car and is hammering, incessantly beating, on my door. I've been trying to ignore it… but, guess what, friends?

Middle Age REFUSES. TO. STOP. KNOCKING.

So this weekend, I finally flung the door open and said: "Hey, Middle Age! How the heck are ya? Come on in... would you like anything? A Metamucil cocktail? A giant bottle of Boniva? Some neck cream? A hemorrhoid cushion? I’ve got news for you, Ms. Age… we've got none of that old lady crap here, so you can SUCK IT!!"

I thought my 40th birthday blog post would be a massive, introspective thing—and it's still tempting because, you know, massive introspective things are my thing—but I'm going to mix things up a little and keep this short and sweet:

On my 30th birthday, I wrote a journal entry... one that hurts my heart to read now. The bright spot in my life was my three-year-old little boy, a brown-eyed miracle who was my whole world... but the rest of the entry describes dashed hopes and unfulfilled dreams. You can feel the disappointment of a woman who felt she hadn't done much with her life, who didn't know who she was, and who didn't know how to fix it.

What a difference a decade makes. The pain, the heartache, the mistakes... and the peace, the joy, the contentment. Oh, how different things are now than they were then.

Four years after writing that dismal journal entry, I let go of a big part of the life I had... namely, being married to Ty's dad and everything that came with it... in an effort to find the life I wanted. I walked away from someone I loved, in the hopes of finding someone else who I wanted desperately to love: Myself. It was not—I repeat, NOT—an easy decisionto make, but I made it.

And there were lots of other difficult decisions to come... and, wouldn't you know it, lots and lots of life lessons I needed to learn. It was the gamble of my life... and, THANK YOU GOD, it paid off.

On the eve of my 40th time around the sun, I'm oh-so-happy to report that, over the course of the past 10 years, I found myself. I know exactly who I am. And you know what? I LOVE who I am, inside and out, and I love my life.

I can't think of anything to say that can top that... so I'll just say Happy Happy Happy 40th Birthday to me!

And now, I'm off to apply my neck cream... don't tell Middle Age, ok?

































2 comments:

Tennille said...

You don't look a day over 30--seriously!! Sorry I missed the big party. Hope it was amazing. Happy birthday!

Nicole said...

Your party was awesome! Can't wait to see the other pictures. And lady, you look AMAZING!!