I live with mumblers. I don't know how or why that happened to me, of all people, but I do.
"Ty, do you have your homework done?"
"Dave, what time will you be back from your meeting?"
D and T insist they don't mumble—at least, I think that's what they're saying to me when I accuse them of it 17 times a day—but THEY DO, and their vocal gobbedlygook drives me full-tilt bonkers sometimes.
Last night we went to the first U of U football game of the season... which was fun (we won!), but kind of annoying. Try attending a sporting event, featuring marching bands and commentators and a gazillion Ute fans screaming their guts out, with my two mumblers.
"What was that call, hon? I didn't see the end of the play, what was the call?"
"LOOK AT ME AND SPEAK... WHAT DID YOU SAY???"
What. A. Night. Mare.
At one point last night D looked me in the eye, leaned in (I guess he wanted to make sure I heard this particular statement), and said: "I'm not going to speak louder just so you can hear me... you're just going to have to listen better."
Um... Excuse me? What was that?
COULD YOU REPEAT THAT? (I dare you, in fact, to repeat it.)
I was tempted to explain that just because dolphins and owls and his own mind can hear him doesn't mean that I can. I also wanted to remind him that my hearing is severely compromised, thanks to 40 years of listening to my own clamorous, resounding,
"someone-please-tell-Kareen-that-she's-in-a-restaurant-not-a-windtunnel" vociferations. (Do you people honestly think I'm not self-aware?)
Instead of doing all that, I did what any good wife does: Rolled my eyes and went back to watching the game.
It's not any easier to get T to speak up. He's not comprehensible until I say "What did you say?" five times. Yep, it takes five repeats before he's coherent enough for me to understand. FIVE.
If living with mumblers is Karma's idea of a practical joke on someone whose "indoor voice" got left behind in the vaginal canal at birth... well, you can suck it, Karma. You are NOT funny, not one little bit. DO YOU HEAR ME?!?!?!